No wonder I never stop embarrassing myself, whether as a lion or a badger. I just never stop after embarrassing myself once. It’s almost as if it’s a life-long cycle. So you’d expect me to screw up again after that whole “getting caught with whiskers in the Hufflepuff Common Room” incident. When it comes to that area, I definitely lived up to the expectations, dear diary of mine.
After being caught with the whiskers, I of course sneaked out again the next day. I had to wake up at the crack of dawn in order to prevent being seen by anyone as I put on my lion costume. I left my dormitory at record speed right after, and ran all the way up the stairs, to the Gryffindor Common Room. The Gryffindor Common Room has a paw-scan system instead of a password to let you in, because of course, when the lions aren’t being lovingly lazy – they create awesome techno gizmos!
The system let me in only because I found something called “Lyin’ Lion Gloss” at Zonkos, when I went to Hogsmeade last weekend. The slogan on the can, which is as follows: “For that wannabe lion who wants to be a fake-lion fur real!” just lured me into buying the product. It was pretty cheap too. So yeah, I had spread some on my costume’s right paw before I had left my dorm, so I was able to easily get into the common room. Dang, if only Destri wanted to scan my paw NOW.
Anyways, I walked in prancing around, happy that I was in. My tail bounced off, but I didn’t care, because no one was in the room anyway. It was early in the morning after all, and we all know lions are late risers. Anyway, after my little dancing session, I went back across the room to pick up my fallen tail, where it had landed a few feet away from a cactus plant located in the corner of the room. As I went back to awkwardly put it on, a figure jumped out from behind the plant. My surprise led me to drop the tail. Who could do such a thing? Who could be so cruel and just scare a fellow lion like that?! As the figure stepped into the light, my question was answered: it was Eno Thomas.
“Unmask yourself, intruder!” Eno cried, sticking a light-saber encrusted with fake rubies at my chest.
I sadly took off my lion head. I was caught. It was all over. Oh Godric, I was going to get into so much trouble! How could you be so stupid, Herms? Of course you had to prance around and just carelessly drop your tail. And so close to Eno too! Ugh Herms, you really need to fix your technique.
Eno gasped when he finally looked at me.
“Herms?” he said, all surprised.
“Noooooo. OBVIOUSLY it’s a clown wearing a potato on their head! Yes, it’s me!” I said, all exasperated.
“Well…this is awkward…” he said. I couldn’t help but agree with that one.
“What are you doing here with that costume?” he asked.
I explained the whole concept of the invasion to him, step by step, motives, parts, costumes, you name it. His response? He laughed, and he laughed, and he was laughing so hard he was rolling on the floor. I got deeply annoyed. This was NOT a laughing manner!
“WHY are you laughing so hard, Eno, and could you stop?!” I cried. “What’s so funny anyway?!”
Engulfed with laughter, he pointed at my feet. I looked down to see what the heck had made him collapse on the floor. I instantly knew why he was laughing, and again I cursed my stupidity. After all, I was wearing a badger slipper on one foot, and a black and yellow striped boot on the other. Of course I forgot to wear the lion feet! Of course!
I started to cry. This invasion was getting harder every day. I was ready to give up any minute now. I sobbed, and I sobbed, and Eno only noticed by the time I was blubbering.
“Oh Herms, don’t cry! I won’t tell anyone, I promise!” he said. He gave me a hug as I sniffed quite loudly.
“Thanks Eno buddy. Thanks for having my back. I need a break now though…I really need to revamp my plans,” I said with a sigh.
“No problem,” he said, and I cracked a smile.
The invasion wasn’t going to end! And I was going to make an amazing comeback, this time as a real puss in boots – in lion boots, of course.
- - Herms the Badger “Lion”