By Hailey Potter
Parvati: We’re your hosts, Pa-
Lavender: They already know who we are, Parv.
Parvati: They do?
Lavender: YES, they do. Besides, you know my name goes first!
Parvati: It does?
Lavender: Yes, duh! Everyone knows I’m the real seer here.
Parvati: Hey!
Lavender: So what did you get for Christmas, Parv?
Parvati: Well, I got a nice jacket…
Lavender: I got a trip for two to Milan for the summer.
Parvati: Ooh, can I go, can I go?
Lavender: Maybe.
Parvati: YES. *pumps fist*
Lavender: Okay, so today we decided to shake things up a bit.
Parvati: We’ve been feeling bad for our second half of the zodiac lately!
Lavender: So we’re starting with….
VIRGO
*swish*
Parvati: Virgo, are you excited? You’re first today!
Lavender: Oh, it makes things sooo much better, changing things up!
Parvati:Yay for change!
Lavender: Okay, Virgo. It’s….
A house
Lavender: Safe as houses.
Parvati: So are they going to be safe?
Lavender: Yes, safe and comfy.
Parvati: Home is where the heart is.
Lavender: And happy!
Parvati: I wish I was a Virgo.
Lavender: But then you wouldn’t be you.
Parvati: Oh, that’s true.
Lavender: I know!
LIBRA
*swish*
Parvati: Oh, I love doing things differently!
Lavender: Yes, you said that before.
Parvati: Word for word?
Lavender: No, not quite, but still.
Parvati: Okay, I’ll try not to say it again.
Lavender: Good idea. It’s…
Parvati: ….. I have no idea what that means for Libra.
Lavender: Well, that’s why I’m here. It means Libras will receive special gifts this month.
Parvati: What?! I’m so jealous!
Lavender: They should look for them to arrive very soon.
Parvati: How soon is very soon?
Lavender: The tea leaves never tell an exact time, only a general one.
Parvati: You sounded exactly like Prof. Trelawney just then…
Lavender: Of course. I am the seer, after all.
SCORPIO
*swish*
Parvati: Why can’t I have a gift as big as you? I want to be a full seer!
Lavender: I’m sorry, Parv. Some people just don’t have it.
Parvati: Well why do you have it?
Lavender: Well, obviously, it’s in my family’s blood. I hear my great-great grandmother had the gift.
Parvati: Really?
Lavender: Well, maybe. It’s thought that she had it.
Parvati: Huh. It’s…
A candy cane
Parvati: Yummy!
Lavender: Seems so sweet, but watch it, Scorpio! Things may not be as great as it looks.
Parvati: Cause people use canes when they are injured.
Lavender: Exactly. Be careful, Scorpio!
Parvati: What would they do without us reading their tea leaves?
Lavender: They’d get injured.
Parvati: That would suck. At least it’s sugary, though…
Lavender: True.
SAGITTARIUS
*swish*
Lavender: I wonder what’s in the leaves for Sagittarius…
Parvati: Who knows? Something exciting?
Lavender: Well, we’ll see soon.
Parvati: Yes, it looks like it’s clearing now.
Lavender: It’s…
A bush
Parvati: There’s that parable of the burning bush…
Lavender: I don’t remember anything else about that story.
Parvati: Me neither.
Lavender: Oh, well. Sagittarius, be careful. Someone is spying on you!
Parvati: They’re hiding in a bush!
Lavender: Be careful what you say! Someone will overhear you!
Parvati: You’ll get in trouble!
Lavender: It will definitely cause trouble. Keep all comments to yourself this month!
Parvati: And make sure no one can listen to your thoughts as well!
CAPRICORN
*swish*
Lavender: I wonder if there’s a potion or spell to read people’s thoughts.
Parvati: Oh that would be fun!
Lavender: Yes. Then I’d know what that cute boy on the second row is thinking about me. *winks*
Parvati: I think you just creeped him out.
Lavender: Nah. I don’t think so.
Parvati: It’s…
Yarn
Lavender: Oh. Oh, poor Capricorn.
Parvati: That’s awful.
Lavender: Super awful.
Parvati: I hate to tell you this…
Lavender: You’re getting an ugly Weasley sweater for Christmas.
Parvati: They’re really quite hideous.
Lavender: Yes, I got one once when I was dating Ron.
Parvati: Oh, you poor thing.
Lavender: Ick. I’m sorry, Capricorn.
Parvati: Burn it soon!!
AQUARIUS
*swish*
Parvati: Lav, what did you do with your sweater?
Lavender: I might have tossed it into the Forbidden Forest…
Parvati: You are so awful!
Lavender: You would have, too!
Parvati: I totally would have.
Lavender: It’s…
Plaid
Parvati: And the fashion atrocities just keep on coming!
Lavender: It’s really quite awful.
Parvati: Exactly.
Lavender: Well, you’ll have a bad taste in fashion this month.
Parvati: Or they’ll go to a school that forces them to wear uniforms.
Lavender: Ooh, that’s even worse.
Parvati: Sorry, Aquarius!
PISCES
*Swish*
Lavender: Can you imagine?
Parvati: It’s like being stuck in that awful Britney Spears music video.
Lavender: *shudders*
Parvati: Completely awful.
Lavender: I know…
Parvati: It’s…
Wire
Parvati: Ooh, that’s dangerous. You could cut yourself with it.
Lavender: Yep. It’s dangerous yet handy. It keeps things out.
Parvati: Oh, so Pisces will be able to keep the bad things out of their lives this month.
Lavender: Yes, it seems so.
Parvati: That’s awesome!
Lavender: Looking to be a good month for them…
ARIES
*swish*
Lavender: The term is almost over.
Parvati: Already?
Lavender: I know, it’s gone by so fast.
Parvati: It really has!
Lavender: Before we know it summer will be here again.
Parvati: I can’t wait!
Lavender: Me neither. It’s…
A hair bow
Parvati: PRETTY!
Lavender: I am so happy to announce that you will have great hair this month, Aries.
Parvati: It will be nice and shiny…
Lavender: And tangle-free!
Parvati: And tangle-free. *nods*
Lavender: All the boys will want you.
Parvati: And all the other girls will be jealous!
Lavender: Unless you’re a boy then. Then it’s like, opposite.
Parvati: Yeah….
TAURUS
*swish*
Parvati: I’m getting sleepy.
Lavender: Yeah, I don’t think you slept well. You were talking in your sleep last night.
Parvati: Really? I talk in my sleep?
Lavender: Yes, you do.
Parvati: Do I SNORE??
Lavender: Sometimes…
Parvati: How embarrassing!
Lavender: It’s…
A ring
Parvati: Like… a finger ring or like a big ring?
Lavender: What do you mean by a “big ring?”
Parvati: Ya know, like on a playground or a hula hoop.
Lavender: …. Finger ring.
Parvati: Oh. Okay!
Lavender: Yeah. So Taurus, YOU’RE GETTING ENGAGED THIS MONTH!!
Parvati: Lavender, we just ruined the surprise! Now they won’t be surprised!!
Lavender: Oh, I’m so sorry!
Parvati: Act surprised when it happens. Don’t want to disappoint your significant other…
GEMINI
*swish*
Lavender: Parvati, you should start an advice column.
Parvati: It would never compete with Prof. Snape’s.
Lavender: Oh, you’ve got a good point there.
Parvati: I wonder what he’ll do this time…
Lavender: Who knows. It’s…
Water
Lavender: Things will flow easily for you.
Parvati: You’re so good at this.
Lavender: You’ll be peaceful this month.
Parvati: Nothing can bother you!
Lavender: So true.
CANCER
*swish*
Lavender: Water. Makes me want to take a shower.
Parvati: That would be nice.
Lavender: No, a bubble bath!
Parvati: That would be even more nice.
Lavender: Definitely.
Parvati: It’s…
Perfume
Parvati: YAY!
Lavender: It’s all about what’s skin deep this month.
Parvati: How so?
Lavender: You’ll be smelling good, so you’ll be taking better care of yourself.
Parvati: So it’s like a love-me month.
Lavender: …. Something like that.
LEO
*swish*
Lavender: Parvati! Good news! This is the last one!
Parvati: Already?? It went by so fast this time around.
Lavender: We need to start switching up the order.
Parvati: Definitely.
Lavender: Okay, so.
Parvati: It’s…
A picture
Parvati: For great memories!
Lavender: Yes, it seems like Leo will be having the best month. So good that they’ll want to remember it forever.
Parvati: So take a picture!
Lavender: Burn the moment in your brain. These kinds of moments only come around once in a lifetime.
Parvati: So true…
Lavender: And very exciting.
Lavender: Well, that’s all the readings this month!
Parvati: We’ll see you next time!
Lavender: Yes, we will. See you next time for more answers to what your month will be like.
Parvati: *claps*