By Hailey Potter
Parvati: Yay, spring! Let’s open up the windows and let some nice spring air in!
Lavender: Parv, it’s still snowing outside.
Parvati: But… it’s spring.
Lavender: Yes, but it’s still snowing.
Parvati: That makes me sad.
Lavender: Join the club. I’m ready for some sunshine.
Parvati: And sun-bathing!
Lavender: And the end of the school term right on our corners.
Parvati: So exciting.
Lavender: Yes. But now it’s time for us to give these people what they came here for.
Parvati: Yaay, fortunes!
Lavender: Get out the cups and tea leaves, Parv.
Parvati: Got ‘em!
Lavender: Okay.
Virgo
*swish*
Parvati: I wonder what the leaves will say today…
Lavender: There’s no telling.
Parvati: You’ve got that right!
Lavender: Unless you’re Prof. Trelawney.
Parvati: You’re right. She sees everything.
Lavender: She’s my hero! It’s…
A doll
Parvati: Well, that’s interesting.
Lavender: Hmm, a doll.
Parvati: You’ll have a creepy mini-me who will want to be just like you.
Lavender: Wear the same things you wear…
Parvati: Say the same things you’ll say…
Lavender: Go the same places you go.
Parvati: So scary! That’s not awesome at all.
Lavender: Good luck!
Libra
*swish*
Parvati: It might be nice to have someone copy you though.
Lavender: Why is that?
Parvati: Because then you know how awesome you are.
Lavender: Explain more.
Parvati: Well, it shows you have impeccable taste.
Lavender: Oh, wow. You just used a smart word!
Parvati: I can be smart every now and then!
Lavender: Yeah, alright. It’s…
A coin
Parvati: Ooh! Shiny!
Lavender: You have lots of luck this month, Libra.
Parvati: Coins for good luck!
Lavender: Or maybe you’ll have some wishes come true as well.
Parvati: I never thought of that! Because you throw coins in a fountain!
Lavender: After you make a wish, exactly.
Parvati: So Libra, make a wish and hold on tight!
Lavender: Cause it’s coming true this month.
Scorpio
*swish*
Parvati: You should have said night. That rhymes.
Lavender: We do not rhyme, Parv. Not on purpose.
Parvati: You take all the fun out of everything!
Parvati: You are so mean! Maybe I should leave.
Lavender: See? There you go again?
Parvati: You are so-
Prof. Trelawney: GIRLS!
Parvati and Lavender: Sorry, Professor! It’s…
Medicine
Lavender: Oh, no, you’re getting sick this month
Parvati: Well, at least you’re getting well.
Lavender: No, no, no, sick.
Parvati: I hope you don’t die.
Lavender: Parv! That’s awful to say!
Parvarti: You know you were thinking it too!
Lavender: I am also thinking they are going to be sick.
Parvati: So wash your hands and get ready to go to the doctor.
Lavender: And stay away from me!
Parvati: Yes, me too.
Sagittarius
*swish*
Parvati: Moving along…
Lavender: Yes, we are.
Parvati: I wonder how many tea leaves we’ve read over the years…
Lavender: Oh, a lot. Definitely.
Parvati: There’s been so many.
Lavender: Too bad we can’t do a greatest hits.
Parvati: That would take way too long, Lav.
Lavender: You’re right. It’s…
A moose
Parvati: Mooo!!!!
Lavender: You are so weird.
Parvati: No, it’s just a funny sound
Lavender: Well, this is just a weird tea leaf reading today
Parvati: You’re not kidding.
Lavender: You’re gonna have an ugly physical feature this month.
Parvati: What?
Lavender: The ugly antlers.
Parvati: Oh. I get it now.
Lavender: Yeah, thus the ugly feature.
Parvati: Well, hopefully it won’t last long.
Lavender: I know.
Capricorn
*swish*
Lavender: I just remembered, we have homework due today.
Parvati: I hate homework.
Lavender: Me, too. I haven’t even done it. What am I going to do?
Parvati: I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Maybe Professor Trelawney might know what you could do.
Lavender: That Eye of hers sure does come in handy sometimes.
Parvati: I hope she doesn’t tell you to take a zero again.
Lavender: ….yeah. That was not a good day. It’s…
An eye
Parvati: Squishy!
Lavender: Now that’s gross.
Parvati: Sorry...
Lavender: Okay, so you’ll be all seeing this month!
Parvati: That means that they’ll know what happens with your homework.
Lavender: Oh, that’s true!
Parvati: Well, you’ve got a great intuition this month, Capricorn.
Lavender: So exciting!
Aquarius
*swish*
Lavender: Parv, don’t play with the tea leaves please.
Parvati: But they’re so squishy!
Lavender: Yes, but you’re going to mess them up.
Parvati: No, I’m not.
Lavender: Yes, you clearly are.
Parvati: Fine. I’m not touching them anymore.
Lavender: Now let me drain the tea out... it’s...
Ben
Lavender: …. who is Ben?
Parvati: Is that that cute Ravenclaw boy?
Lavender: Which one?
Parvati: You know. The sixth year.
Lavender: Oh, no, his name is Dan.
Parvati: Ohhh...
Lavender: Well, Aquarius. I don’t know about this one.
Parvati: Wow. For once you’re stumped.
Lavender: I know, it’s sad.
Parvati: I’ve never known you to get stumped.
Lavender: It was bound to happen sometime.
Parvati: I guess so....
Pisces
*swish*
Lavender: It’s your fault, you know.
Parvati: Why is it my fault?
Lavender: You were playing with the tea leaves. You gave them a bad reading.
Parvati: Oh, you’re right. I’ll never play with the tea leaves again!
Lavender: That’s a wise decision. It clearly gives bad readings.
Parvati: Yes, apparently so. No more. Okay. It’s...
A card
Parvati: Aww, someone wants to make you happy this month!
Lavender: Yes, you are going to get good news this month.
Parvati: But wait. There are several types of cards.
Lavender: Oh, this is true. It could be a license card or something.
Parvati: It could be anything!
Lavender: Well, I wouldn’t go that far. But you are still going to get good news this month.
Parvati: At least we know that!
Aries
*swish*
Parvati: The tea leaves should be more specific.
Lavender: They are. You just have to squint your eyes and tilt your head a bit.
Parvati: Oh, is that how it works?
Lavender: Yes, that’s exactly how it works.
Parvati: Oh, yeah, I see the card now. It’s definitely a greeting card.
Lavender: See what I mean?
Parvati: Yes. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. It’s...
Orange juice
Lavender: Things will be very fresh for you this month, Aries.
Parvati: They’ll smell good too!
Lavender: Why is that?
Parvati: Oranges smell nice.
Lavender: Oh, that is true.
Parvati: Very true.
Lavender: Well all right.
Parvati: You’ll smell nice and have a fresh month.
Lavender: You must be starting from scratch.
Parvati: Well, it’s all going to be okay!
Lavender: So enjoy your good month, Aries!
Taurus
*swish*
Parvati: So close to being done!
Lavender: This seems like a long session.
Parvati: Well, we were bound to have one sooner or later. The last two seemed pretty short.
Lavender: This is true.
Parvati: We should have a tea leaf party next time.
Lavender: I’m not sure how we’d do that.
Parvati: Now that you mention it, me neither.
Lavender: You’ll figure it out eventually, Parv. It’s...
A bottle
Parvati: A message in a bottle perhaps?
Lavender: No, there’s no message here. So I just think you’re going to bottle up your feelings this month, Taurus.
Parvati: Angry feelings?
Lavender: They could be sad, too. The tea leaves aren’t that specific.
Parvati: Well, regardless, you’re going to keep them inside.
Lavender: Which might not be a good thing. Don’t let it get you too crazy, guys!
Parvati: And don’t let them all blow at once either.
Lavender: Ooh, pent up feelings are never a good thing.
Parvati: Nope. Never.
Lavender: Almost as bad as a howler.
Parvati: …. almost.
Gemini
*swish*
Parvati: Ugh, I hate howlers.
Lavender: Me, too. Thank God I’ve never gotten any.
Parvati: Me, too.
Lavender: They’re funny for other people though.
Parvati: So embarrassing.
Lavender: Well, all you have to do is behave and you won’t get one.
Parvati:True.
Lavender: I should have sent Hermione a howler when she took Ron from me.
Parvati: Oh, you should have!
Lavender: Yes. Too bad I didn’t think of it.
Parvati: It would have been perfect.
Lavender: I would have called her sooo many names.
Parvati: Look, it’s...
Peonies
Parvati: Ponies??
Lavender: No, silly. Peonies. They’re flowers.
Parvati: I liked ponies better.
Lavender: Well, Gemini, you’re going to smell nice and look pretty this month.
Parvati: Oh, how lovely!
Lavender: Yes, how lovely.
Parvati: Much better than ponies.
Lavender: Just make sure not to get too close to that special someone. Your scent might knock them down from smelling so amazing!
Parvati: That would not be good.
Lavender: No, not at all. So just be careful, but you’re going to have a good month, so it will all be okay!
Cancer
*swish*
Lavender: Have you seen my scarf? It’s a bit chilly in here.
Parvati: Maybe we should shut the windows.
Lavender: Maybe. We’re almost done though. I can wait.
Parvati: It’s just so cold outside.
Lavender: I know. It’s hard to believe it’s spring.
Parvati: And yet. Hey, it’s...
Chalk
Lavender: Leaves a powdery residue.
Parvati: Children use it to color.
Lavender: Teachers use it to give us lectures.
Parvati: Talk about a wild card.
Lavender:Well, Cancer, someone’s going to leave a grimy residue on you this month.
Parvati: Eww.
Lavender: I know. They’re going to leave an impression on you that you’re not going to like. Stay away from this person!
Parvati: That’s some good advice.
Lavender: I know!
Leo
*swish*
Parvati: Yay, last one!
Lavender: I didn’t ever think this was going to end.
Parvati: Me, neither.
Lavender: And now here we are at the end!
Parvati: Let’s get it over with so we can leave.
Lavender: Okay, well, it’s...
An album
Parvati: What’s an album?
Lavender: It’s like where you leave photos and memories and stuff.
Parvati: Oh, how nice!
Lavender: It really is.
Parvati: So what does it mean?
Lavender: It means that Leos will make great memories this month!
Parvati: Maybe they’ll go on a nice field trip or something.
Lavender: It’s possible!
Parvati: Maybe to the magical creatures zoo...
Lavender: Maybe...
Parvati: I’ve always wanted to go there...
Lavender: Maybe we should suggest it to Hagrid or something.
Parvati: He would have a field day there.
Lavender: So true. He’s probably not the most responsible adult to take children there.
Parvati: True. He might get carried away and feed a first year to a manticore or something.
Lavender: *shudders*
Lavender: Well, that’s it! We’re done!
Parvati: Happy spring from Parvender!
Lavender: …. Parvender??
Parvati: That’s our bestie name.
Lavender: That sounds like a shipping name.
Parvati: No. It’s a bestie name. Bye now!