By Prof. Missa Matz
How is it, that a excellently talented man like yourself, whom everybody should set as an example for themselves, happens to be under appreciated? I'm fascinated by your immense knowledge of the Dark Arts and Potion mastery and think it is totally ridiculous that the Minister of Magic doesn't offer the position of headmaster of your own school!
Your's sincerely,
Snape is Great!
He Who Is Almost Smart,
I am assuming you are a he, given the fact that your letter is definitely non-gender specific. Secondly, I commend you for knowing how to spell 'ridiculous'. That takes pure wit and genius. Not a Gryffindor I gather. As to your comments about me becoming a headmaster of my own school I must say, I would never dream of it. Sure, I could make the lives of miserable little peons like you even worse, but the migraine your incessant nagging would give me would just be too great a burden. I have no care for your pathetic every day lives and I never would. Now if you would so kindly remove your nose from my butt I would appreciate it.
Snape
I'm having problem with weight issue. I've tried soooo many ways to gain for more weight but it didn't work. Like, eating in a super fast way so you can feel hungry again faster and eat food supplement to increase food appetite... Do you somehow have any solution to my problem?
Sincerely,
Cannot be fattened
Dear Skinny,
All those are great methods. But have you actually tried EATING? No, I think not. If you want to gain weight, you need to eat. If you only eat pea-sized portions or one meal a day you will not gain weight. You will continue to be a toothpick. Get in touch with your fatty side. Or go eat Missa's cooking. Actually, you can get her cooking in DETENTION. NOW EAT.
- Snape
I do believe that one time you told me that a Kappa was found in Mongolia. I just wanted to write you a letter telling you that you were quite wrong. The Kappa is actually found in Japan.
- Studious
Studious,
I was merely testing you. Obviously you have your nose stuck so far into a book that you never see the light of day. I am surprised you pulled your nose out of your book to write that brief letter. Truly, you are in need of some time away from you books. So you will be spending a nice Saturday evening down in the potions dungeon, scrubbing out each person's cauldron without magic. Actually, you only get soapy water. No muggle cleaning agents. Have a good day.
- Snape
i wuz wondering if u could tell me how 2 do the next assgn 4 class?!?!?! i didnt get it at all!!!!!how come u alwyz give 0 on all my stuff????u're not v. nice when u do that!!!!!hlp me plz!!!!
spammer!!!!!!!!
Spammer -
I did not even attempt to read what you wrote. It is not my job to decipher bad grammar and spelling. I'm sending you a dictionary. Use it well. You'll be in detention until you learn how to read and write.
- Snape.
Can I be your pet?????? I want to be your owl, cat, toad, or anything!!!! Please please give me a chance, I really really want to be your pet! I even having dream every night that I wanna be your pet so badly.
Yours,
Obsessed to be a Snape's pet!!!
Obsessed,
Sure you can be my pet. I'll make you my pet rat. Then I'll kill you and pickle your brains. I love pets.
- Snape