by Destri Weasley
(Only used on those pesky Raves, of course):
It’s the middle of an intense Quidditch match and Gryffindor is close behind Ravenclaw. The referee is not looking your way and you need to get that Ravenclaw off their broom! Unfortunately, Gryffindor’s sometimes forget how to do important things due to us being so busy with completing our work, so let me refresh your memories!
1. Look both ways (like you were taught as a little kid while crossing the street) to make sure no referees are watching, and pick your target. For an example, I will use Lisette Westerveldt, who has kindly offered herself to be my victim *cough* VOLUNTEER!
2. Start building up speed to get that oomph you need to shove Lisette off! While approaching your target, make sure you come from behind. If you came from the front, they might actually MOVE OUT OF THE WAY (the nerve of some people) and ruin all the fun… I mean, ruin the kind deed you are doing to help your fellow Quidditch team! Moving on…
3. Once you reach the point of pushing your opponent, one question should come to your mind (besides where’s the cake) “How should I shove this Ravenclaw into oblivion?” Well, I turned to Allyson Celestra and Chadwick Cadet for some answers! (They seem to be good at this dirty Quidditch playing)
-One method is cobbing, which Allyson seems quite fond of! Cobbing is when you jab the opponent with your elbow, and generally annoying them thoroughly. A couple good prods should do the trick, but some of those peskier Rave’s may take quite a few jabs!
-Another Method is blagging. Blagging is when you grab the tail of a players broom to stop them! (This one sounds pretty neat… better test it on Lisette sometime!) I’d recommend just giving a good twist to the broom, and that should do the trick!
-One last method for the Quidditch layers that are feeling extra spicy today (this should be no problem for Chadwick) is blatching! Blatching, one of the best shoving techniques in my opinion, is flying towards another player and colliding! It’s pretty straightforward, eh? It may leave you with a few bumps and bruises, but the end result of seeing your shoving end successfully should make up for it! (Just kidding, I love you Rave’s <3)
So that’s how you play dirty Quidditch! Thanks Lisette for graciously allowing me to practice these moves on you for the better good of learning *cough* hopefully you’ll heal up soon! And thanks to Allyson and Chadwick for tips at properly shoving, it will help me in the future! Read my How To column next time for more tips on random things that may or may not be useful, but definitely entertaining!