by Sophia Wolfe
It is no secret that last week The Ministry of Magic was fined 2 million galleons by The International Confederation of Wizards for failing to keep the International Gobstones Tournament under control. There were numerous breaches of the statute as thousands of wizards failed to blend in with the muggle crowd. Obliviators have been working around the clock for a week before the Ministry had to admit they'd lost control and had to ask for help from France and Ireland. After 48 hours of joint effort all the memories have been altered and the existence of wizards have been hidden once again. The Ministry of Magic officials all have different opinions on what went wrong and who is to blame; however, one thing they all agree upon is that things must change because we can't continue like this anymore.
An urgent Wizengamot meeting was called yesterday and a number of provisions were put in place, effective immediately, in the newest Ministry of Magic attempt to raise an awareness of importance of learning how to dress like a muggle. Some of the new provisions include special classes on muggle fashion that all offenders will be forced to take, as well as the newly formed
In anticipation of the final provisions to the Statute of Secrecy I had the pleasure of speaking to the newly appointed head of the Muggle Fashion Advisory Office, Araminta Cabbage, who expressed her outrage at the lack of common sense amongst wizards when it comes down to muggle fashion. Mrs. Cabbage asked me to remind all of my readers that hospital gowns worn with a pair of pink fluffy bunny slippers and a top hat is not an acceptable look for a male muggle under any circumstances. Neither is swimming fins worn with a tutu and goggles appropriate for a female muggle. In a brief interview she revealed some of the future plans for the Muggle Fashion Advisory Office, such as Dos and Don'ts of Muggle Fashion posters that will soon be available at every wizarding place in Britain, as well as the Ministry Guide to Muggle Fashion booklet that will be administered to all past offenders and will be made available to the wizarding public in Owl Post Offices around the country. Furthermore Mrs. Cabbage mentioned that they will be running weekly Dress a Fairy Workshop where witches and wizards will get an opportunity to learn how to dress as muggles using fairies. All classes and workshops are free and open to witches and wizards of all ages, as well as the free 24-hours-a-day advice service that the office offers.
Remember, when you're in doubt whether to wear ballet slippers or rabbit fur boots, contact the Muggle Fashion Advisory Office, or come next month you might end up in Azkaban.