by Prof. Missa Matz
I would like to thank you for another disgusting, boring and horrible year in potions. You do realize that people would do better in that class if you were not such a jerk to students right? I mean honestly, when making potions in life we would not have a hook-noosed face with greasy hair and a attitude that would drive a saint to murder. It's a wonder you've never been poisoned.
-Disgruntled
Disgruntled,
You have always been a below average student and most likely always will be. Have you ever once considered that you have no purpose in this life and that only through the lessons we teach you will you gain that purpose. So being the considerate and caring person I am, I've decided to give you a purpose in your pathetic life, even if it is only hating me.
-Snape
<3
Time Challenged
Time Challenged,
Get a timeturner. I don't think the world can handle more than one one of you without having to be admitted to various mental institutions.
- Snape
Free at last! Free at last. I am so glad I'll never be in your class!
-Graduating Seventh Year
Dear You,
I thought this day would never come. I have never been as happy in my life that you are no longer in my class. I am only sad that you survived it.
-Snape
Problem here. Everyone in my house thinks that I’m a slacker because I’m always up until 4 am doing my homework assignments. It’s actually 4:30am right now. How can I stop them from thinking this? It’s not that I’m a slacker or anything; I just do my best work at night! What do I tell them to make them realize this?
Yours,
Sick of Slander
Slacker,
You have a few options. Tell them you're a vampire, which is probably true. Or just curse them because they are obviously completely stupid and irrational. Actually, take option two. It will be more amusing in the end.
- Snape
Which came first, the Phoenix or the egg?
Signed,
Confused
Confused,
The Phoenix, because it tastes better.
- Snape