by Hailey Potter
Lavender: We’ll have to fly through this. The party’s starting in the Gryffindor tower as we speak!
Parvati: Don’t worry, we won’t cheat anyone from their fortunes!
Lavender: Of course, not! We love our fans.
Parvati: And for the first fifteen of you who showed up today, you get Talons and Tea Leaves special flags to wave and show your support!
Lavender: Yay, freebies!
Parvati: Definitely.
Lavender: Okay, let’s get started then.
Virgo
*swish*
Parvati: I’m sure it’s going to be an exciting edition of Tea Leaves today.
Lavender: Duh. And there’s a party afterwards!
Parvati: I love parties!
Lavender: Is there anyone who doesn’t?
Parvati: I heard Fumei shipped in special coffee for the event.
Lavender: That girl loves her coffee.
Parvati: Yep. The people who love coffee would do anything for it. Even kill…
Lavender: Scary… but very true. It’s...
A sandwich
Parvati: Well, my stomach just growled.
Lavender: Me, too. I hope they have good food at the party.
Parvati: Fingers are crossed!
Lavender: Virgo, you’re going to find yourself stuck in the middle of something messy this month.
Parvati: Be careful of whose side you take!
Lavender: It can get messier if you don’t tread very carefully.
Parvati: You don’t want yourself to get into a pickle! *giggles*
Libra
*swish*
Lavender: I can’t believe you just made that pun.
Parvati: You know you thought it was funny.
Lavender: Oh, Libras are having their birthdays this month!
Parvati: Happy birthday, Libra!
Lavender: I wonder what the tea leaves have for them for their birthdays…
Parvati: Good question.
Lavender: It’s…
A palm tree
Parvati: When I think of palm trees I think of the sun.
Lavender: And that’s how we know they’ll have a good month. It’s going to be a happy, warm month.
Parvati: The leaves are big, too.
Lavender: That represents your heart. Your heart will be large and thankful this month, too.
Parvati: Perfect birthday month, Libra!
Lavender: Definitely.
Scorpio
*swish*
Lavender: Oh, I almost forgot!
Parvati: What?
Lavender: We have a special guest today for a few of our readings!
Parvati: Ooh! Who??
Lavender: I would like to welcome… Firenze
Lavender and Parvati: *swoons*
Firenze: Thank you for having me. I look forward to helping these students find their fortunes in the stars.
Parvati: …. we don’t do that. We read tea leaves.
Firenze: How… phony of you.
Lavender: *gapes*
Parvati: It’s…
A sweater
Lavender: Yay!
Parvati: You’ll be warm this month!
Lavender: And cozy with somebody special.
Firenze: A sweater doesn’t represent anything. This is all completely barbaric compared to the old ways.
Parvati: …..
Lavender: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.
Parvati: Maybe not.
Lavender: Well, just snuggle up, Scorpio. We’re sure you’ll enjoy yourselves!
Sagittarius
*swish*
Firenze: You call yourself Seers. This is preposterous.
Parvati: I always thought you were so incredible.
Lavender: Maybe the fake Seer is you.
Firenze: I am a centaur.
Parvati: She’s just saying. It’s...
A staircase
Firenze: If this were real divination, it would mean that an opportunity has arisen to ascend to something better in your life.
Lavender: …. no, they clearly just have a class upstairs this month. Aren’t you supposed to be good at this?
Firenze: You dare offend a centaur?
Parvati: No she dares to be better than you.
Firenze: Never in all my life…
Lavender: Don’t get all huffy with us. If you don’t like it you can leave.
Firenze: Why did I agree to this… *leaves*
Capricorn
*swish*
Parvati: Well that was quite shocking.
Lavender: And appalling!
Parvati: The nerve!
Lavender: And people says he has the talent.
Parvati: They clearly have no idea what they’re talking about.
Lavender: I’m glad he cleared out.
Parvati: Me, too. It’s…
A tuxedo
Lavender: CAPRICORN! You’re going to a BALL this month!!!
Parvati: Ooh, so lucky!! I wanna go, I wanna go!!
Lavender: You’re not a Capricorn, now are you, Parv?
Parvati: So not fair.
Lavender: I hope it’s a masked ball.
Parvati: Oh, those are so fun.
Lavender: So mysterious! You never know who is there!
Parvati: Romantic, even.
Lavender and Parvati: *swoons*
Aquarius
*swish*
Parvati: I’m getting tiiiiiiired.
Lavender: I need coffee.
Parvati: Or butterbeer!
Lavender: Or BOTH.
Parvati: That’s a good idea.
Lavender: Well, let’s go. The quicker we do this the better.
Parvati: Okay! It’s…
Rusted Metal
Parvati: Just rusted metal that was never even mine…
Lavender: I thought I told you. You’re not allowed to sing any more.
Parvati: But you promised if I was good I could once a month.
Lavender: No… I never said that.
Parvati: But-
Lavender: Anyways. Aquarius. You started out so well, but you fell apart. You got dirty.
Parvati: And now you’ll never be the same.
Lavender: Yep. Pretty much. Good luck sorting out your problems!
Parvati: It might be hard to do!
Pisces
*swish*
Parvati: Tough luck for Aquarius.
Lavender: Pretty much.
Parvati: Tough luck for us. We are missing the party.
Lavender: Would you quit whining?
Parvati: I’m not whining, I’m just saying.
Lavender: Just read the stupid tea leaves.
Parvati:It’s…
A vortex
Parvati: Ohh….
Lavender: You’ll get sucked into evil this month, Pisces.
Parvati: Serious evil.
Lavender: You won’t know how to get out.
Parvati: It’s always a good idea to swim parallel!
Lavender: .... that’s advice for a riptide, genius.
Parvati: What’s a riptide?
Lavender: *facepalms*
Aries
*swish*
Lavender: I’m getting a headache…
Parvati: I wonder why?
Lavender: Gee… who knows…
Parvati: What?
Lavender: Nothing. It’s…
Headlights
Lavender: You’ll be hit hard by a surprise this month!
Parvati: It won’t be a good one!
Lavender: It will crash right into you.
Parvati: Be sure to wear a safety belt!
Lavender: Or even a helmet.
Parvati: Good luck!
Taurus
*swish*
Lavender: So close.
Parvati: I can taste the butterbeer already.
Lavender: So close.
Parvati: Quit saying that!
Lavender: Shake the tea leaves!
Parvati: We’re not supposed to rush the tea leaves!
Lavender: I know. It’s…
Tears
Parvati: Aww, sad!
Lavender: Yes, you’ll be super sad this month, Taurus.
Parvati: I wonder why.
Lavender: The reasons could really be infinite.
Parvati: Like what?
Lavender: Death, sorrow, lack of things one may need, loss of friends…
Parvati: That’s depressing.
Lavender: The tea leaves aren’t always happy!
Parvati: They’re definitely not!
Gemini
*swish*
Parvati: Yay me!
Lavender: What do the tea leaves have in store for you?
Parvati: So excited to find out!
Lavender: Calm down now.
Parvati: Swish swish swish! It’s…
Grape Juice
Lavender: Whatever happens this month, Gemini, will stain you for the rest of your life.
Parvati: That doesn’t sound good.
Lavender: It could be good or bad. Depends on what it is.
Parvati: Well how will you know?
Lavender: You’ll only know when it happens.
Parvati: I know one thing. I want to go to bed!
Lavender: Just a few more….
Cancer
*swish*
Parvati: Two more, two more.
Lavender: Yep.
Parvati: I don’t know what to say.
Lavender: Me neither.
Parvati: It’s…
A fireplace
Lavender: Oh, things will get nice and comfy this month, Cancer!
Parvati: You get a honey to cuddle with!
Lavender: Not only that, but you get to enjoy a warm fireplace. Smores to be made and other fun stuff.
Parvati: Just be careful not to get burned.
Lavender: Yes, don’t lay the heat too heavily or you might chase your honey away.
Parvati: But it’s really nice to-
Student running in: F-F-
Parvati: It’s rude to interrupt.
Student: FUMEI’S BEEN PETRIFIED!!!!! BY A BASILISK!!!!
Audience: *breaks out in pandamonium*
Lavender: GUYS GUYS GUYS. CALM DOWN. WE HAVE ONE MORE TO GO.
Parvarti: Hurry! It’s not safe for anyone!! Fumei’s been petrified!!!
Leo
*swish*
Lavender: It’s...
Glass
Lavender: Guys, quit freaking out, I can’t think! We can’t cheat Leos!
Parvati: Glass. What if that’s the basilisk’s weapon?
Lavender: Oh that’s freaky. Oh, man, I can’t think straight!
Parvati: Hurry! Everyone’s leaving to go see what happened to Fumei!
Lavender: You’ll be having a transparent month, Leo! Everyone will see straight through you.
Parvati: Hopefully not a basilisk though!
Lavender: No hopefully not.
*someone screams outside the divination tower*
Parvati: I’m out of here! I’m going to hide for a month! *books it for the door*
Lavender: W-wait! Don’t leave me here alone! *runs after her*